I’m taking the plunge and starting up my very own blog. Yes, I know, so cliché, everyone has a blog now, but I think that’s all the reason for me to have my own little place of chronicles and confessions. At the very least it may be a succession of updates on life’s endeavors, but ideally a source of inspirational relativity to anyone else experiencing something atypical of life’s normal or more standard expectations.
To define myself, do I choose the usual suspects? Blonde, thin, funny, smart, driven? Or do choose the labels I’ve heard from others? Shy, strong, caring, even a veteran of some unusual happenings. It can be overwhelming to see yourself one way and then to take on all that others may see in you as well, to put it all together and apply it to one’s own journey of self-improvement and ultimate happiness and satisfaction. But that’s what I intend to do. Make an appointment with my worst critic, so that after listing my flaws and considering my strengths, knowing just what to do with it all: shed a tear if you have to, but also try to turn the focus on why they are so apparent, so tied together, and so equally applicable to who I am as am individual. Easier said than done, I know. It’s hard to look closely in the mirror and see it all for better and for worse. But after all I’ve been through, I can most certainly dive right into giving it a shot.
An “update” of sorts on my current situation. I’ll try and make this as simple as possible. Here we go…
Finally residing in San Diego once again, happily living in what I most proudly call my hometown—the place with which I identify most of my childhood and locational stability. And the view from my place, although temporary, is astonishing, so breathtaking that I know it’s impossible for me to really ,truly appreciate it in the way that it deserves. But I wake up every day and try my best J
Totally and completely single. There are times when I love it and times when I all but despise it. But it’s been good for me to take a little break, take time for myself to really think about what I want and more importantly what I NEED in a relationship. So hopefully the next time around will be much more promising than the relationships of my past. Single? Yes. Looking? Why not. Hopeful? Definitely. The coveted idea of togetherness is only a natural part of the human existence; I’m just going to be a little smarter about it now. To be completely honest (and perhaps a little too vulnerably open), I cannot wait to have a truly amazing relationship. But all in good time.
My health. After 5 years, I still find myself without a definite diagnosis, and although my illness has inexplicably managed to leave my body physically unscathed, I have been spending far too much time in the hospital over the last five months, so unfortunately I continue on a path of searching for causes and answers, knowing that it’s out there somewhere. In the meantime, endurance will continue to be my best friend. I have spent years bouncing right back into the swing of things, trying not to completely let it run (and ruin) my life, and while it seems to be getting a bit harder to ignore it (and hide it) these days, I don’t see myself as having much of a choice. I refuse to let it be who I am. Sure, it’s making my outlook a bit more complicated and concerned, but I’ve persevered for this long, and I honestly don’t think I even have it in me to stop.
