One of the biggest problems I’ve had with relationships is that the context I approached them from was too narrow. I thought that getting (and keeping) a relationship was the goal. There was little room for growth or flux within the relationship. My idea of love, romance and even casual friendship was rigid and unyielding. Toxic, thin “love” was the addiction and my prospective partner was the fix.
I could site a dysfunctional childhood, or weird cultural norms as the reasons why, but seriously—who gives a shit? Here’s what I now know:
Love is not a painful obsession. Love isn’t about taking hostages (or being one). Love isn’t all-consuming, isolating or constricting. Believing I can’t be whole or truly happy without a partner is ridiculous. Coming from a place of extreme need has lead me to accept mediocrity, manipulation, dishonesty and perpetual power struggles (ew). Love is fluid. Love lives and breathes. Love accepts differences and nurtures growth. Love negotiates. Love is happy to see us shine.
